Know Your Stars: Phineas And Ferb Edition
by The Angry American
Summary: A parody of the All That sketch entitled "Know Your Stars", watch as your favorite citizens of Danville get a dose of ultimate verbal humiliation caused by me! You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll laugh again! Next up: Eliza! Warning: This chapter is a little disturbing.
1. Ch 1: Phineas Flynn

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 1: Phineas Flynn**_

* * *

Out of the abandoned studio came an empty set surrounded by colorful lights. The studio resembled the "Know Your Stars" sketch from "All That". The first guest happened to be a tweenager with a Dorito-shaped head. By the indication of his familiar orange hair, the guest turned out to be Phineas. He sat down, looking very anticipated.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"It's good to be here, folks! I cant wait!" Phineas said as he rubbed his hands in anticipation.

**_Phineas Flynn... he's in the tenth grade!  
_**

"I think you have it all wrong there. You see, I'm still in the fourth grade." Phineas corrected the announcer, "Besides, if I were in the tenth grade, I would have people taller than me kick my butt. And I don't want that, so..."

**_Phineas Flynn... he likes Isabella!  
_**

"Um, okay... first off, me and Isabella are just friends." Phineas said, feeling a little blush in his cheeks, "I'm telling you, it's not really like that."

_**Are you... are you blushing?**_

The announcer knew that Phineas was blushing like the entire red light district. Knowing that Phineas was indeed in love with Isabella, the tweenager shook it off with impressive results.

"That's... that's none of your business."

_**I think you're lying...**_

"Like I said, it's none of your business!" Phineas said with a booming voice, "Can we get on to something else?

**_Okay okay! Sheesh! *muttering* Lousy Dorito-head...  
_**

"What was that?" Phineas responded, feeling suspicious of what the announcer called him.

_**Nothing. Phineas Flynn... he and Isabella like to do it allllllll niiiiiight looooooong!**_

"I'm telling you, we're just friends!" Phineas cried out, "It's like two brothers/sisters getting along together. Heck, maybe guy friends, but me and Isabella wouldn't do anything sexual together.

_**You know you like to stick your log in Isabella's fireplace!**_

"Okay... I didn't want to know about that..." Phineas said, feeling a bit disturbed of that sexual pun, "But I still like to wait until I get married! Even if I did, me and Isabella would still be friends and nothing else, you hear me?

_**Now you know the Isabella lover, Phineas Flynn!  
**_

"No, you don't!" Phineas cried out to the announcer.

**_Yes, you do!_**

"I'm telling you honestly, that me and Isabella are only friends!" Phineas blushed once again, even though he was refusing to admit it, "And did I hear you calling me Dorito-head too? Because that's just plain offensive to me! I'm not gonna stand here and let you poison the good people of Danville with these lies! Are you there? HELLO?"

* * *

**Phineas sooooo likes Isabella. I just know he does.  
**

**Next up on the chopping block, the silent yet smart Ferb Fletcher. Stay tuned next chapter!**

**P.S.: Just to let you know, these "Know Your Stars" fics are pretty much fun to do for me. So far, I've gotten Total Drama and My Little Pony versions done, and now... I'm here to do Phineas and Ferb! What do you think about this idea? Feedback is always nice!**


	2. Ch 2: Ferb Fletcher

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 2: Ferb Fletcher  
**_

* * *

Another guest was about to enter through the Know Your Stars studio. He had green hair that looked a bit like seaweed, and his left eye was mainly larger than his right. He was Phineas's brother and confidant, Ferb. He took his seat, awaiting for the announcer to speak.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

Ferb didn't say a word. Instead, he nodded.

**_Ferb Fletcher... He loves to make out with plastic butts!  
_**

Hearing this tasteful fact, Ferb shook his head no.

**_Um, aren't you gonna say anything? You know, this is "Know Your Stars", right? You're supposed to say something that isn't true. I mean, you're free to defend anything I say. You got it?  
_**

Ferb shook his head yes after taking advice from the KYS announcer.

_**Okay. Let's try again. Ferb Fletcher... He's gay with his brother, Phineas.  
**_

Ferb responded with an angry glare, while crossing his arms and shaking his head no. He didn't believe anything that the announcer said wasn't really true.

_**You didn't speak. You're supposed to defend your ground here. Remember? I'm supposed to be the evil announcer. You can't go around staying silent all the time! PLEASE SAY SOMETHING, OKAY!?  
**_

Knowing that the announcer was nearly losing his patience, Ferb nodded again. The announcer calmed down a bit and went on.

_**All right. Let's try this one last time. Ferb Fletcher... likes to stuff sausages in his mouth when no one's looking!**_

Ferb once again, responded with a nod.

Irritated by the way that Ferb wasn't speaking out loud, the announcer finally and yet angrily, flipped his lid.

_**URRRRRRRGH! WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO TALK AND YET YOU'RE JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND TAKE EVERY INSULT I THROW AT YOU? SAY SOMETHING! SAY ONE WORD! THAT'S ALL I'M TRYING TO DO FOR YOU! IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME, YOU MALE HELEN KELLER?**_

"Yes. You're nothing but a perverted homo." Ferb finally spoke.

Responding with such the most embarrassing squeal he could ever do, the announcer broke down in tears.

_**YOU'RE SO HURTFUL! I DON'T KNOW WHY I SPEAK TO DEAF KIDS LIKE YOU! WAAAAAAAAAH!**_

Seeing how the announcer walked away from the studio crying like a stupid bitch, Ferb gave out a chuckle to himself.

"I've should've done that more often."

* * *

**The truth is, Ferb's okay as a character in my book. His one-liners are always legend.  
**

**Next up will be Phineas and Ferb's big sister, Candace. Stay tuned!  
**


	3. Ch 3: Candace Flynn

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 3: Candace Flynn  
**_

* * *

There was another guest entering through the forbidden, yet cursed studio. She had carrot-colored hair alongside a orange tanktop and a white skirt. Of course, she needed no introduction. She was Phineas and Ferb's panicky sister, Candace Flynn.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

_"Feeling confident here. I hope Jeremy's watching..."_ Candace thought to herself.

**_Candace Flynn... picks her nose!  
_**

"Um, you're kidding, right?" Candace chuckled as if it was a joke, "Because there's no way I pick my nose. Besides, that's a very disgusting habit in my taste."**_  
_**

**_Candace Flynn... loves it when Jeremy watches her pick her nose!_**

"EWW!" Candace cringed heavily, "Why on earth would Jeremy want to be turned on by that? I told you that I don't pick my nose!"

**_Are you sure? Those boogers very creamy, very gooey, and very tasty for you to eat!_**

"Agh! Don't get them images in my head!" Candace responded in a freaked-out manner, "I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart that I'm not a disgusting nosepicker! Ask Jeremy, he'll tell you the truth. And boogers are gross! They're just like my brothers!"**_  
_**

**_Candace Flynn... is about to sneeze._**

"No, I'm not." Candace sternly spoke while crossing your arms, "So far, I'm starting to get fed up with your crap..."

While Candace was minding his own business...

...a smoke of black pepper flew right to Candace's face. That painful impact forced her nose to cringe heavily. There was no way Candace was gonna sneeze forcefully like this.

Unfortunately, it happened!

"ACHOOOO!" Candace sneezed. It sounded like a nuclear warhead blowing up his target in sight.

Candace couldn't believe that the snot she blew out of her got all over her shirt and pretty much everywhere in the studio!

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!" Candace screamed, "What the heck did you do to me? I've got snot everywhere?"

_**Isn't it a marvelous sight? **_

"No, it isn't!" Candace cried out a bit, "Look at me? I look like a smelly snot-covered Gumby! It's gonna take me months to get myself clean!"

_**I know how you can clean this mess. How about your finger?**_

"How about I clean it up with your broken skull instead?" Candace snapped at the announcer, "You're gonna come down here and clean this mess or else I'll take your bloody teeth and make it into my necklace!"

_**Now you know the mucus-loving nose picker... Candace Flynn!**_

"I don't think so!" Candace yelled, right before the announcer left her in the dust, "And we're on earth do you think you're going? We're not finished here! You're gonna come back here and I'm gonna bust your snot-nosed butt just like I bust my brothers! And I still ain't no nose picker, you hear me? HELLO?"

* * *

**Ouch. I think Candace could be going on one hell of a warpath as far as I'm concerned. Let's hope we all take cover.  
**

**Up next on the chopping block will be Isabella? What kind of torture should I give her...? Find out next chap.**


	4. Ch 4: Isabella Garcia-Shapiro

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 4: Isabella Garcia-Shapiro  
**_

* * *

Another guest had approached the god-forsaken studio. She was decked out in a cute pink dress, complete with long black hair and a cute pink bow-tie on the top of her head. It was to no surprise that this guest happened to be Phineas's crush, Isabella. Looking confident, she sat right in the hot seat while the announcer's echo came throughout the dark studio.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"It's really good to be here. I really do." Isabella smiled. But she wouldn't smile for long.

**_Isabella Garcia-Shapiro... her catchphrase is "Where's the Booze?"  
_**

Isabella felt a little odd-balled about that false fact.

"Um, it's 'Whatcha dooin'." Isabella chuckled.

**_What?_**

"'Whatcha dooin''? That's my catchphrase whenever I see Phineas." Isabella said with the truth.

**_Sorry, never heard of it. Anyway, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro... hates platypuses and wishes to skin them in their sleep!_**

"Ew! Why on earth would you say that? I would never do anything so sick as that!" Isabella cried a bit, "I actually like platypuses, including Perry! He's so cute and so innocent!"**_  
_**

**_You love him? Well then... what's this that I found in your closet?  
_**

In the process, the announcer threw a jacket in the face of Isabella. To her shock, the fabric of that jacket was made out of 100% platypus fur.

"My god! Is this made out of platypus?" Isabella replied as she developed a shocked look on her face.

**_Yep! Now you love platypuses! Does that make you better?_**

"No!" Isabella scowled, "This doesn't make me feel better at all! I like platypuses, but not to the point where I skin them! That's not me! Really!"**_  
_**

**_Isabella Garcia-Shapiro... look down.  
_**

"Why do I wanna do that?" Isabella suspiciously raised an eyebrow.**  
**

**_Just a guess.  
_**

"Fine..." Isabella sighed stressfully.

When she looked down on her feet, she noticed Perry standing beside her next to the chair Isabella sat on.

"Oh, there you are, Perry!" Isabella smiled, but her face soon turned to desperation, "Perry, if it's about me about that jacket thing, I'm innocent. I'm certain that the announcer skins platypuses, not-"

Isabella never finished that sentence. Instead...

_THWACK!_

Perry stood up and knocked Isabella's lights out with only one punch. The force of the punch was Mayweather-like from a person's point of view!

To add insult to injury, Perry gave Isabella the double bird and walked off. Despite being knocked out, Isabella managed to lean her head slightly.

"W-what... was that?" Isabella stuttered a bit because of the pain to her face.

_**You got knocked the f**k out, bi-otch!**_

"Screw you!" Isabella screamed to the announcer.

_**And now you know... Isabella Garcia Shapiro. Remember, send her booze!**_

"T-That's... not... my... CATCHPHRASE!" Isabella shouted out. Right before she went unconscious.

* * *

**I guess Perry didn't take that 'platypus' thing very well...**

**Next victim will be Candace's friend, Stacy! What pain will I unleash on her? Find out next chap!**


	5. Ch 5: Stacy Hirano

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 5: Stacy Hirano  
**_

* * *

There was another guest approaching the purgatory that was the Know Your Stars set. She had beautiful long hair, which was held together by a blue bow-tie, and decked out in a teal shirt alongside a short blue skirt. By her appearance, it was Candace's friend, Stacy. She took her seat and awaited the announcer's irritating echo.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Yes, it's very good to be here as a matter of fact." Stacy said, feeling confident of how this little segment was gonna go.

**_Stacy Hirano... was born in Vietnam.  
_**

"Um, actually... I was born in Danville." Stacy chuckled, thinking it was a joke, "And just so you're thinking, I'm actually Japanese. If I was actually born in Vietnam, I would be of Laos nationality. But I'm not, so... no,"

**_Stacy Hirano... she's actually a hooker.  
_**

"What? Are you kidding me? That's degrading!" Stacy said in a state of shock, "I would never do anything disgusting as that! I don't wanna catch any diseases, thank you!"

_**You so horny! You love me long time?**_

"No! I don't even like you as a matter of fact!" Stacy snapped angrily. She wasn't very pleased._**  
**_

_**C'Mon... don't be like that.**_

"I am being like that. You do nothing but creep me out!" Stacy shouted again.

_**Stacy Hirano... she suckee suckee five dollars!**_

"Okay, what does that even mean, anyway?" Stacy responded with a questionable shrug.

_**Easy... let me show you.**_

And then, as if it flew out of nowhere...

...a staff with a pickle attached to it was thrown at her. Stacy fell off her chair when the pickle was forcefully inserted into her mouth, due to the pin-point impact.

Stacy got back up and got the pickle out of her mouth.

"Ouch! Why on earth did you make a pickle attack me?" Stacy spoke very sternly while holding a pickle in her hand._**  
**_

_**Does that image look familiar to you now?**_

Stacy looked a bit blank and embarrassed when she noticed she was gripping the pickle like it was some kind of sexual organ.

"Ew!" Stacy replied with disgust, "Don't even think about getting that perverted image in my head! I'm asking you that I am not a hooker! Trust me!"

_**Now you know... Stacy Hirano! If you want suckee suckee, give her five dollars!**_

"Uh, no. It's not happening! You can't treat me like some sort of slut!" Stacy shouted out to the announcer as the camera backed away from her, "I'm telling you, I will sure you for sexual harassment! You won't be safe for so long, pal!"

Stacy finished her sentence by chomping on the pickle. Somehow, she got used to the dill taste that was filling her taste buds.

"Mmmmm... it's not bad." Stacy muffled, continuing to munch on the snack.

* * *

**Uh... wow? Got nothing left to say here.  
**

**Next up will be... *insert drum roll here*... Jeremy! What kind of hell should I unleash on him? Feedback is appreciated! ^_^**


	6. Ch 6: Jeremy Johnson

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 6: Jeremy Johnson  
**_

* * *

Another guest entered the Know Your Stars set. By his blonde hair, combined green and brown t-shirt and gray pants, he took his seat feeling confident like all the guests who sat in the chair. This time, the poor sucker was Candace's crush, Jeremy.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Thanks for bringing me down here! Haven't been interviewed like this before." Jeremy chuckled for the fun of it.

**_Jeremy Johnson... once stole $1,000,000!  
_**

"Um, actually... I've never stole a million dollars in my life." Jeremy corrected the announcer, "Although it would be cool to be a millionaire, I don't think stealing money is gonna get me anywhere but prison. And I don't want that."

**_Jeremy Johnson... likes to poop!  
_**

"Wait, I like to what?" Jeremy replied out of shock, "Okay, first of all, I do not like to poop. Second of all, you're disgusting. And I don't really know why you can stay stuff like that to people. That sounds really creepy."

_**But do you like the way of how it feels? The steamy sensation you get on your insides and the nice aroma you feel through your nose.  
**_

"Okay, you're creeping me out with your crap talk." Jeremy cringed a little, "Can't you say something nice about me once in a while?"_**  
**_

Hearing this from Jeremy, the announcer responded with a sigh of anger.

_**Okay, fine. Jeremy Johnson... he has a girlfriend...**_

"Now that's better. I like that." Jeremy smiled. But he wasn't gonna smile for very long.

_**...who loves to see him wipe his smelly ass with a million bucks.**_

"Dude, that's not nice!" Jeremy snapped out of rage, "I don't do anything that's sick! I'm just a nice guy! I haven't stolen anything in my life!"_**  
**_

_**Jeremy Johnson... in 5 seconds, the police will beat his ass for stealing a million dollars that's now smelled like s**t.  
**_

"Yeah, right. It's not happening." Jeremy scoffed, "If somebody deserves to get arrested, it should be you."

As Jeremy was staring up to the evil announcer angrily, a black police officer approached the blonde teenager. He looked a lot more like the big dude from "The Expendables".

"Oh, um... hey, officer." Jeremy chuckled while he tried to tell the officer the side of his story, "Look, don't believe anything that the announcer says! I have never stolen million dollars and taken a poop on them. You under-"

Jeremy never finished that sentence. Instead, the officer cracked Jeremy's ribs with the nightstick!

"Ooof!" Jeremy groaned in pain. One single shot was now turning into a total beatdown! The officer repeatedly kept slamming his nightstick to Jeremy's about-to-be-unconscious body. Talk about police brutality at it's worst!

_**Now you know... Jeremy Johnson!**_

'You... do... not... know... me!" Jeremy yelled in pain.

Unfortunately for Jeremy, the officer sent his nightstick somewhere around Jeremy's legs.

"OWWW, MY BALLS!" Jeremy screamed, indicating the end of the segment for now.

* * *

**Talk about drama to the groin there...**

**Next up for KYS:PNF will be the geeky Indian known as Baljeet! Until then, feedback is appreciated! ^_^**


	7. Ch 7: Baljeet Tjinder

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 7: Baljeet Tjinder  
**_

* * *

There was once again another guest entering through the Know Your Stars studio. With his familiar blue overalls, short curly hair and Indian accent, he took his spot in the dreaded chair. The next victim was Phineas and Ferb's friend, Baljeet.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"I'm feeling a little nervous, considering I'm on TV, but I'm confident I can get through this." Baljeet said, feeling like he said, a little nervous.

**_Baljeet Tjinder... likes to kill and eat cows.  
_**

"Hehe... you're kidding, right?" Baljeet laughed embarrassingly, "I cannot do that because of my Hindu religion. To me, cows are sacred. If I were to kill one, I would be disgracing my family and everyone who supports my religion. And I don't want to be like that."

**_Baljeet Tjinder... he likes to have sex with cows when no one's looking.  
_**

"Oh, come on! You gotta be kidding me!" Baljeet angrily whined, "I would never do anything disgusting and foul as that! Besides, I'm way too young to have sex in my age!"

_**I hear Ginger likes a guy who has sex with cows!  
**_

"She definitely does not!" Baljeet stomped his foot down, "Not that I'm sure if she's attracted to me or not, but she doesn't want to go out with some sick freak!"

_**Baljeet Tjinder... he has fangirls waiting outside for him.  
**_

"Really? I have fans?" Baljeet spoke with amazement.

_**Sure, just go to the door and say 'hi' to them! They must be crazy to see you!  
**_

"Okay! Oh man, is this gonna be fun! At least I still have my fans who still stick beside me!" Baljeet said to himself with excitement as she got out of his chair.

Feeling excited and pumped up, Baljeet opened the door and raised out his hands like he was some sort of messiah.

"Come to me, my fanladies!"

But Baljeet didn't hear any fangirls screaming his name. Instead, he opened his eyes...

...and saw a pack of angry cows standing before him.

"AGGGGGGGGH!" Baljeet screamed as he began running away.

He was fast, but the pack of cows were faster.

Baljeet's ass got served when the cows began running him over in a huge stampede. The pain Baljeet was suffering was brutal and severe.

"Agk! No! My tush! My tush!" Baljeet screamed in pain.

After a few minutes of that horrible stampede, the cows finally left the studio, which left Baljeet to tend to his wounds by himself.

"You lied! There weren't fangirls for me, at all!" Baljeet snapped at the announcer.

_**Nope, just a crew of angry rabie-infested cows. You really took it hard when you killed and had sex with that dead cow!  
**_

"That's not true either!" screamed Baljeet, "Somebody get me a hospital! I can't even move my butt!"

_**Now you know the cow lover/killer... Baljeet Tjinder!**_

"I don't think so!" Baljeet madly shouted, "I really do need help! I swear, my butt's bleeding so badly, I'm having a period! And that's sick! HELLO?"

* * *

**I am so low. But that's how I like it!  
**

**Up next will be the daughter of Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Vanessa! What will I have planned for her, you ask?**

** Find out next chap. ^_^**


	8. Ch 8: Vanessa Doofenshmirtz

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 8: Vanessa Doofenshmirtz  
**_

* * *

Another guest had now entered the frightening purgatory that was the Know Your Stars set. With her attractive frame, model-like looks, and dressed in all black, she took her seat on the chair. It's not surprising considering that she was the daughter of a certain evil genius.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Yeah, I know what this show is. Just try to be nice, okay?" Vanessa said with a stern tone.

**_Vanessa Doofenshmirtz... She likes boys to the point that she would sleep with them.  
_**

"Well... yeah, I do like boys, but I would never sleep with them." Vanessa corrected the announcer, "The only guy I like is Monty, as in Monty Monogram? And just to let you know, I'm now a one-man woman."

**_Vanessa Doofenshmirtz... she and Monty made a sex tape!"  
_**

"Uh, no. We didn't." Vanessa, "Look, I'm still a teenager. Besides, doesn't sex wait until you're really in love?"

Vanessa didn't get an answer. Instead...

...a thousand sex toys rained on top of her head, hitting Vanessa square in the head! Rubbing the pain from her forehead, Vanessa picked up a vibrating silver rod, which was being blurred out by pixels.

"Ouch! What in the hell did you hit me with?"

_**I found that in your room. You must've been one naughty slut.  
**_

"Are you kidding me? I would never do anything that degrading!" Vanessa harshly complained, "And me and Monty never had a sex tape! Get my facts straight, will you?"

_**Vanessa Doofenshmirtz... is promoting their sex tape on the internet!  
**_

"No. I'm not." Vanessa said, crossing her arms in an un-impressed fashion, "I demand you quit making those lies about me. I'm not a slut, okay?!"

_**Really?**_

"Duh, really!" Vanessa nodded.

_**Well, if you say that you didn't make a sex tape, what's this video I'm seeing right now?  
**_

Contrary to the announcer's words, Vanessa looked at the screen behind her.

She was shocked to see two naked adults making love in what seemed to be Vanessa's room. The woman was wearing a Vanessa mask, while the man that was on top of the naked woman had a Monty mask on. Their bodies were sweatening and the naked woman's screams weren't sounding very close to what Vanessa sounds like. And the dialogue was godawful

"Oh, Monty! I love it! Stuff that turkey baster inside me!" Fake Vanessa moaned out.

"Oh, baby! You know you want this baster injecting your stuffing!" Fake Monty cried out as well.

After the video was over and done with, Vanessa looked up to the announcer angrily. She still wasn't impressed.

_**Well? What do you think?  
**_

"Not impressed one bit. You gonna let people believe that there was a sex tape between me and Monty? As if!" Vanessa scoffed in fury, but it soon turned into suspicion, "And why is this shot in my bedroom? DID YOU AND YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS BREAK INTO MY ROOM?"_**  
**_

After being found out, the announcer decided to end things there like the little coward that he was.

_**Uh... and now you know the hot slut... Vanessa Doofenshmirtz!**_

"You definitely do not know me!" Vanessa shouted at the camera who was backing away from her, "And where in the heck do you think you're going. We're not finished here! I swear, I'm gonna tell Monty about this! I promise you, you're gonna regret calling me a slut! HELLO?"

* * *

**I'm sorry if I had to treat my favorite female PnF character like that, but I just had to do it. After all, it's entertaining.  
**

**Next up will be Vanessa's squeeze, Monty Monogram. Until then, give me your feedback! ^_^**


	9. Ch 9: Monty Monogram

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 9: Monty Monogram  
**_

* * *

There was another victim entering the condemning Know Your Stars set. Indicating by his familiar gray hoodie, and his handsome looks that nearly resembled his father in his younger years, he sat in the hot seat. It was the son of Major Monogram to be exact.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Feels a little cold around here." Monty said while he looked around the studio, "Oh well... do your stuff, I guess."

**_Monty Monogram... he's a ladies man.  
_**

"Well, the truth is... I'm actually not." Monty explained clearly, "I know I'm really handsome to be a ladies man, but I'm just a one-woman man. Besides, I'm staying true to Vanessa and nothing else."

**_Monty Monogram... will be posing in an issue of Playgirl!  
_**

"Look, I'm flattered that you would say that, but that's not what I really want to do." Monty replied, feeling a little stern, "What I really wanna do is fight evil and make the world a better place to live in."

_**And sleep with other sluts on the job as well!  
**_

"Definitely not! I already told you I'm a one-woman man!" Monty complained heavily, "And just to let you know, I'm still a teenager like Vanessa is. There's no way I'm gonna whore myself out with some kind of third-world disease!"

_**Monty Monogram... also moonlights as a male stripper by the name of "Van Cockatoo".  
**_

"In your dreams, pal." Monty scoffed at the announcer's remark, "There's no way I'm doing anything that involves my body. Unless if it's a top secret mission, then I'm fine with that."_**  
**_

_**Monty Monogram... watch out.  
**_

"Watch out?" Monty shrugged in confusion, "For what?"

And then out of nowhere, a fangirl screamed off-camera.

"AAAAH! LOOK, IT'S VAN COCKATOO!"

Hearing that scream, Monty looked behind his shoulder and saw a row of fangirls ganging up after him. He was trying to get out of the crazed dogpile, but Monty's clothes were being shredded up by the minute.

"Agh! Vanessa! Help! I'm being trapped underneath by a row of gorgeous babes!" Monty screamed in pain.

During the dogpile, one of the fangirls got a hold of Monty's briefs!

"AHHHHH! I GOT HIS BRIEFS! JACKPOT!" The crazed fangirl happily shouted.

The fangirls finally got off of Monty and left. Monty soon regained consciousness and looked down to realize he was now naked all over his body.

"ACK!" Monty yelped, covering himself in shame, "What on earth was that for?"

_**You're definitely a ladies man now. I helped you out, buddy!  
**_

"I already told you for the last time, I'm a one-woman man!" Monty complained once again, "Why can't you just see that already! Look at me, I'm naked! You owe me new clothes, pal!"

_**Now you know Monty Monogram... a.k.a. Van CockaToo!  
**_

"You sure as heck don't know me!" Monty shouted in anger while the announcer left like a chicken, "I'm telling you that I only like Vanessa Doofenshmirtz and nothing else. And she'll never believe anything that you tell these people. And why did you have a pack of fangirls take my clothes? I swear, I'm feeling a little cold here! HELLO?"

* * *

**Sorry if this chapter lacked a little bit of hilarity, but at least the fangirl attack made up for it.  
**

**Next up will be the lean mean Buford! Until then, feedback is appreciated!**


	10. Ch 10: Buford Van Stomm

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know. Oh, and this chapter, you're gonna see a cameo from a certain villain on a cartoon I watch. Just keep reading and you'll guess who it is.  
**

* * *

_**Chapter 10: Buford Van Stomm  
**_

* * *

Another person was entering the Know Your Stars set with a scary gleam in his eyes. With the skull emblem on his shirt and a tough exterior to match, he took his spot in the dreaded chair. It was the neighborhood bully known as Buford.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Just get on with it..." Buford said while losing his patience.

**_Buford Van Stomm... he's a teddy bear!  
_**

"Who you callin' teddy bear?" Buford replied, crossing his arms tightly, "I'm nothing but a lean, mean bullying machine. I take a kid's lunch money faster than you getting knocked out in record time. So for the record, I'm not a teddy bear. Moving on!"

**_Buford Van Stomm... His momma!  
_**

"Wha-? What did you say about my mom?" Buford spoke in a suspicious mood, "Because I'll rip off your dick and choke you around the neck with it if that's the case!"

_**Actually, I don't have anything for that. I just like to say 'your momma' because I felt like it.  
**_

"Well, you better not go any further!" Buford threatened him once again, "Just to let you know, my momma's a third-world kickboxer. You don't want her entire foot around your piehole, believe me!"

_**Okay, I believe you. Buford Van Stomm... He's my bitch and I'm his daddy.  
**_

"What did you say to me? Tell me, you didn't say that to me just now!" Buford responded while standing angrily on the chair, "Where are ya, so I can take that tongue of yours and reach it to your butt?"_**  
**_

**_Oh, you can't find me, teddy bear Buford. I'm hiding somewhere in secrecy. You can find me all you want. You'll just fail.  
_**

"Really?" Buford said suspiciously as he looked something off-camera, "Well, then... are you sure you're not the dragon that's far away from me as possible?"

Like an eagle, Buford narrowed his eyes...

...

...

...to see Discord from the "My Little Pony" series, hiding behind a two way mirror with a microphone.

**_Uhhhh, pay no attention to the chalkboard as I am nowhere behind this little two way mir-_**

Discord, aka The KYS announcer, never finished that sentence.

Instead, Buford crashed through the two way mirror and started beating the holy hell out of Discord with punches of his own! He was still talking out of the microphone in pain!

**_OW! OWWWWWW! STOP IT! THAT FUCKIN' HURTS!_**

"Not as much as this!" Buford screamed as he started to yank hardly on Discord's tail. He was twisting it and squeezing it hard like a wet rag. The pain was so excruciating to Discord, he was tapping out like crazy. Buford kept talking to his face, "Say it! Say it!"_  
_

_**Aggggggggh! I'M YOUR BITCH AND YOU'RE MY DADDY!  
**_

"Okay, close enough!" Buford said while finally letting go of Discord for the time being, "And if you ever talk trash about me, I'm gonna take that broken tail and make you eat it for lunch, pencil-neck!"

After Buford finally left, Discord was wincing and crying in pain. He tried to get up, but Buford had suddenly broken his tail in half.

_**And now you know... Buford Van Stomm. And somebody get me an ambulance! Waaaaaaaah!**_

* * *

_**Geez, what a baby the announcer was. Who knew that it was Discord behind the mic?  
**_

_**Sorry about Buford being a little bit OOC, is just that I can't imagine him saying the "D" word. But since it's my fic, I'll let it slide for the time-being.**_

_**Next up will be Candace's other friend, Jenny. Ohhhh, the fun I'm gonna have with her...**_

_**So stay tuned, dawg.**_


	11. Ch 11: Jenny Brown

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 11: Jenny Brown**_

Once again, another victim had entered the dread studio. Complete with a white flower on top of her long brown hair, a yellow sweatshirt, a purple orange skirt, and a peace necklace around her neck, she took her seat. She looked like one total hippie from the 60's. It was actually Candace and Stacy's other friend, Jenny.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Nice of you to have me here." Jenny smiled to the announcer, "I hope you will do me good."

**_Jenny Brown... wishes for a gallon of weed.  
_**

"Oh, no. That can't be possible." Jenny chuckled as if she didn't believe it, "You see, the only thing I wish in this world is world peace. You see, our world is filled with war and violence. And I don't want that around my kids when I grow up. I want a world where it's nothing but love and joy of those all around."

**_Jenny Brown... is not wearing any underwear underneath her skirt.  
_**

"Huh? That's inconceivable!" Jenny exclaimed, trying to defend her ground, "I will let you know that I wear eco friendly panties! I'll show you once and for all."

Contrary to her words, Jenny stood up out of her chair and lifted up her long skirt, which revealed to be huge grass-like panties.

"You see? I wear these because I help save energy. It's made out of 100% hemp, guaranteed." Jenny explained successfully. However, the announcer didn't buy it.

_**So... your panties are made out of marijuana?  
**_

"It's not like that at all!" Jenny exclaimed in defense, "My panties are not made out of any drug whatsoever. Case closed, mister."

_**Jenny Brown... that flower on her hair is actually made of crack.  
**_

"What? No it's not!" Jenny cried out while she held her flower in defense, "There's nothing wrong with this flower at all. I told you that I don't have anything to do with drugs! All of these things I wear on my hair and my legs is just herbal, I swear!

**_Really?  
_**

"Really!" Jenny cried out for the last time.

_**Well, then... lets see what our Cop says. Berry?**_

And then, appearing from off camera, a police officer by the name of Berry came in the studio and approached Jenny head-on. By his gruff appearance and gruesome sneer, he looked more like Terry Crews. Of course, it was the same cop who beat the crap out of Jeremy Johnson a few episodes ago.

Feeling a bit intimidated by him, Jenny stood up once again.

"Mr. Cop, sir. I want you to know that I have nothing to do with drugs or any kind of illegal substance whatsoev-"

Jenny never finished what she said, instead...

...Berry brought out his taser and blasted Jenny right in the fruit basket! Jenny shuddered way out of control as the static shock surged with every strand of hair she had.

When the tasing was over, Jenny was lying right on the ground burnt up like a brisket!

"Tell it to the judge, ya hippie crackhead!" Berry shouted down to her.

"I'm... not... a... crack... head! BZZZZT!" Jenny said, right between shocks.

After Jenny fell unconscious, Berry dragged her all across the floor and sent her off -amera, indicating the end of the sketch, for now.

_**And now you know the hippie crackhead herself... Jenny Brown! Remember, any ganja that she might have taken were harmed before the taping.**_

* * *

**Whoa, that was way out of this world, dude...**

**Next up will be our favorite unpaid intern, Carl! Until then, stay tuned!**


	12. Ch 12: Carl Karl the Intern

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know.**

* * *

_**Chapter 12: Carl Karl the Intern  
**_

Another hopeless fool was once again entering the haunted Know Your Stars set. Decked in a white shirt with three white buttons, light brown pants, orange sneakers, and purple glasses, he took his seat. By his freckled face, dorky appearance, and nasally voice, it was none other than OWCA's unpaid intern, Carl.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Yes, that's what this show's called." Carl smiled up to the announcer.

**_Carl Karl... He passes off as Harold from the Total Drama series.  
_**

"Um, I don't think I'd be the right fit for someone taller than me." Carl said in defense, "You see, I'm what you call a 'paid intern' for the OWCA, which is Organization Without a Cool Acronym. But I do feel honored that you compared me to someone on a reality show. I appreciate it."

**_Carl Karl... He talks behind Major Monogram's back.  
_**

"Are you serious? I would never do anything so cruel like that!" Carl cried out, "I'm fully dedicated to win support from Major Monogram! Monty even helped me in the process of getting Major Monogram my thanks! I felt like Chicago after winning a World Series!"

_**You also wanted to sleep with his wife.  
**_

"EW!" Carl cringed in disgust, "That sounds so disgusting. I don't wanna do anything that creeps me out, and having you think I slept with Mr. Monogram's wife is way up the list!"

Like a certain evil babysitter, he brought out two tape recorders. He played the other one with his left hand...

_"Hi, I'm Carl The Intern, and I-"_

And then played the other recorder with his right hand.

_"-slept with Mr. Monogram's wife!"_

"What?" Carl replied in shock, "That can't be true! You're making this up! You're not gonna have Major Monogram believe I actually did his wife, aren't you? I hope you don't."

_**Carl Karl... He ejaculates prematurely every time he sees Major Monogram.  
**_

"Okay, you're really making me queasy and uncomfortable." Carl cringed yet again, "You're making everyone sick from all these lies you're been saying about me! And to tell you the truth, I do not prematurely ejaculate! I don't know why you're telling me all of this sick stuff."

_**Weren't you responsible for that moustache he has now?**_

"No! I'm telling you, he has a natural white moustache! Not one made out of cum!" Carl shouted a bit harshly, "Why can't you say anything nice about people for once?"

**_Yeah, I have one: Look behind you.  
_**

"Why?!" Carl responded, shrugging his shoulders.

_**Trust me.  
**_

When Carl looked behind him in his chair...

...he was surprised to find Major Monogram standing before him. Carl looked a little alarmed, yet scared of the way Major Monogram was glaring at him.

"Uh, hi Major Monogram..." Carl chuckled nervously, "Look, whatever you said about the moustache, it is false. There's no way I would do something as cumming in your-"

Like any other guests, Carl would never have a chance to finish his statement.

It was when Major Monogram raised his legs...

...and kicked Carl right in the junk!

As Carl hung on to his nuts and screamed like a whiny high-pitched baby, Major Monogram had words for him.

"How dare you make fun of my moustache? I got this from marshmallow creme, not from your goofy cum!" Monogram scowled at him, "And by the way, I'm demoting you from 'unpaid intern' to crap flinger!"

After Major Monogram walked out on his own Carl, the unpaid intern tried to stop him.

"Major, come back! My crotch is bleeding from your nut kick!" Carl shouted out, but it was to no avail. Major Monogram was flat-out gone.

_**Now you know... Carl Karl, a.k.a. Harold from the Total Drama series!**_

"I told you, I'm not him!" Carl shouted to the announcer in pain. In the process, Carl looked at his bruised balls in agony, "Good god, it's as big as a turtle shell! Can somebody find me a needle to reduce the swelling in my sack? HELLO!?"

* * *

**Crap flinger? That oughtta sound crappy for Carl.**

**Next up will be Ferb's cousin Eliza! I got something in store for her come next chapter! Until then, stay tuned!**


	13. Ch 13: Eliza Fletcher

**"Know Your Stars: Phineas & Ferb Edition"  
**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Nickelodeon and Disney or the shows "All That" or "Phineas and Ferb".  
**

**Notice: The bold italic letters will be the Know Your Stars announcer talking, just to let you know. BTW, this part will feature a sick, disturbing scene. So for those of you daring to read what's down here, don't say I warned ya.  
**

* * *

_**Chapter 13: Eliza Fletcher  
**_

There was once again another unfortunate victim entering the studio. With her extravagant British accent, some brown hair with a short ponytail. Complete with a pair of black shoes along with a pair of rolled-up blue jeans which are rolled up and topped by a white buttoned-up collar shirt with a brown belt and a black jacket, she took her seat. It was Ferb's cousin, Eliza.

**_Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars... Know Your Stars..._**

"Sorry if I'm a bit late. Someone fogged me with laughin' gas on the way over 'ere." Eliza chuckled a bit, "Let's get started, shall we?"

**_Eliza Fletcher... She's a limey.  
_**

Hearing this unbelievable lie, Eliza managed to let out another chuckle.

"Oh, that's nonsense. I'm actually a gentlewoman. My parents raised me that way." Eliza replied in defense, "I've learned good manners and I'm very lady-like, so I'm comfortable with that."

**_Eliza Fletcher... She moonlights as a Futanari model.  
_**

"Pardon me, but I hardly know what that is..." Eliza said, feeling a little uncomfortable, "Can somebody explain it to me, please?"

And then, an backstage worker approached Eliza and whispered on her ear. After that, Eliza's face formed a disgusting tone. She felt like she was gonna be sick.

"EW! Are you insane?" Eliza exclaimed angrily, "I would never do anything such as... _that_! You must be one perverted wanker!"

_**You can't prove that.**_

"Believe me, ya wank your own sausage if you 'ad the chance! That's why you're a wanker, hence the name!" Eliza exclaimed, standing her ground again.

_**Eliza Fletcher... look under your pants.**_

"Why should I, wanker?" Eliza scowled, crossing her arms.

_**No reason...**_

"Fine..." Eliza sighed.

Eliza then got out of her seat and pulled down her pants... only to find a disturbing sight.

"What the-?" she said in surprise.

Eliza found out that she was wearing a plastic real-life dildo. She was trying to get it off, but to no avail, it was stuck to her like glue.

"How the hell did ya put this on me?" Eliza shouted to the announcer.

_**Oh, come on... you all know that your parents raised you to become a Futanari model!**_

"I'm a gentlelady! I'm not whatcha call a futa!" Eliza shouted again.

In the process, she tried yanking that thing out of her waist, but she failed again.

"Great mother, can somebody get this bloody thing offa me?" Eliza said, trying to get help from backstage personnel.

_**Oh, let us help you, Miss Fletcher.**_

Regarding his words, a band of robot hands managed to grab Eliza Fletcher on her legs and hands. She tried her best to get free, but it was useless.

To add insult to injury, the fake dildo hung out in full erection.

"Somebody get these bloody hands offa me!" Eliza shouted for help.

_**Oh, that won't be happening!**_

Proceeding through his evil words, another robot hand came out and started to stroke Eliza's fake dildo furiously.

"Leave me alone, ya bloody hands!" She yelled helplessly, but then she started to moan unexpectedly, "Ohhhhhh... you won't get awa- Ahhhh... away with this..."

Her words made the robot hand stroke her fake dildo hard. It was almost like a jackhammer hitting the pavement. Her helpless moans increased loudly as she was nearly close to reaching her climax.

"I'm gonna kil... ohhhhh, I'm gonna kil..." Eliza moaned, trying her best to threaten the announcer, "Ohhhhhh... dear god, I'm gonna...! I'M GONNA-!"

After one last stroke, fake cum started shooting out of the fake dildo that Eliza was wearing. The aim and accuracy was very geyser-like at best. She was blowing all over the Know Your Stars set like a beached whale. Eliza was now crying for help and yet there was no one who can save her.

The robot hands finally let her go to the point that Eliza was now laying in a stream of fake cum. She was panting and breathing out of control as if she had sex. She looked pissed off that the announcer did this to her.

_**So... how did it feel, Miss Fletcher!**_

"How dare ya use me like this!" Eliza exclaimed madly, "I oughtta sue your bloody ass for torture! Where are ya, anyway?"

_**Now you know Eliza Fletcher... gentlelady by day, hot futa at night.**_

"Okay, that does it!" Eliza shouted, finally having enough of the announcer's bullshit, "Cum down here and face me like the bloody wanker that ya are!"_**  
**_

_**I would, but I rather not be poked by your large penis. Your mother and father raised you as a shemale that way.  
**_

"I told ya! I'm a bloody wo-!" Eliza shouted in defense.

But then, she was cut off by what the announcer said. She looked down and realized that the tall dildo was surgically planted on her.

"Wait a minute, this thing's real?" Eliza said in shock, "Did ya gas me in the limo and plant this little sausage on me? That's disgustin'!"

Eliza once again tried to pull the real-life penis out of her, but it was attached to her forever. For the third time, it was hopeless.

"I swear, when I get this... 'thing' off of me, I'll take ya bloody head off!" Eliza threatened to the announcer before she shouted for help, "Dang! Can somebody get me a surgin' here? I'm afraid that if I pull 'his off of me, I'll bleed! 'Allo?"

* * *

**Eliza as a futa? Sounds a bit disgusting, but I guess that's how the announcer sees fit then...  
**

**Next up will be Irving. Until then, stay tuned. ^_^**


End file.
